69 Hues of Disney 4: Thomas the Tank Engine Tries it in the Caboose
by BusterManwomb
Summary: Thomas hates his job. It's boring and makes him feels like he's on rails. The arrival of an Eastern European man with a sexy accent changes EVERYTHING. EVERY. THING. Also they fuck.
1. Chapter 1

About the author:

Buster Manwomb is not the smartest pygmy owl in the meat grinder.

Having only ever been recognized in public by Belgian mobsters, Buster Manwomb has never learned the difference between a book signing and a lynching.

69 Hues of Disney 4: Thomas the Tank Engine tries it in the caboose

Chapter 1: Alack, ye of the creamy thighs

Thomas the Tank Engine was having a bad day at his job as a Customs agent at Liberty City Airport. Like three player characters had shot up the whole place and killed half the lunch rush. And everybody that tried smuggling cocaine and the marijuanas had done so in such massive quantities that he couldn't even have justified doing any strip searches.

"Hey you!" Thomas the Tank Engine called out to the next motherfucker in line, a eastern- European man with a sexy voice with a ticket who walked past the customs desk. "Stop your ass!"

And boy did he ever stop. His glistening pants stretched as he moved, indicating the presence of a thick, meaty penis... or maybe COCAINE!

"Where do you think you're going?" Thomas the Tank Engine Inquired.

"Weyll." The man said with his sexy eastern european accent. "Ay would leik to giet on thies plane heire."

"Well, let's check your ticket then." Thomas the Tank Engine Was distraught when the ticket, which if it was fake could have been the perfect reason to justify a strip search, was in fact legit. "Fuck!"

"Ies Evrythieng alrrieght?" The man asked.

"Unfortunately, yes, mister... Bellic." Thomas the Tank Engine Frowned. "What's your reason for flying?"

"I want to goh tyo thieh beach." Niko Bellic answered. "I want tio see thiese bieg titties thiat my cousin alwaiys talks about."

"Alright." Thomas the Tank Engine Swore, crossing "drugs and/or murder." Off of his 'reasons people in Liberty City would want to fly' list. "Luggage?"

"Jiost theis." Niko Bellic procured a shallow box, placing it on the conveyor belt.

Thomas the Tank Engine Looked at the X-ray. "Is this a pizza?"

"Wieth iextra sausage." Niko Bellic relayed the facts.

_Oh fuck I wanna get some of that extra sausage of yours, you dirty slut._ Thomas the Tank Engine Thought, biting his lip. "No food allowed of the plane."

"Thiet's okeh." Niko Bellic said, turning the box towards him. Without breaking eye contact, he rolled up the pizza and ate it, licking up up and down its length before taking it into his mouth, chocking lightly.

Thomas the Tank Engine was hard as a fucking rock. And he was a train, so you know that his penis was especially hard and noticeable. It looked like a twenty foot tall metal pickle in a sombrero and groucho marx glasses when he had his pants on.

"Are yiou okieh?" Niko Bellic asked, finishing the pizza and wiping a stream of drool from the corner of his mouth with his wrist.

"I'm fine!" Thomas the Tank Engine yelped, blushing. "Are you smuggling anything today?"

"Jiust caocaine and-awwwww shit." Niko Bellic cursed.

"A HAAAAAAH!" Thomas the Tank Engine whooped, his penis engorged itself further. Nothing got him turgid faster than having somebody fall for his awesome interrogation techniques.

"Can wieh liet this sleide?" Niko asked.

"Nein!" Thomas the Tank Engine grabbed Niko Bellic, wrapping him in his manly and inescapably lithe train arms. "To the strip search room!"


	2. Chapter 2

About the Author:

Buster Manwomb has twitter followers and a perfectly sound mental constitution, and therefore identifies as Taylor Swift.

Chapter 2: Once More into the Peach

Niko Bellic was carried lustily into the strip search room. The room was supposed to have been guarded by the security guard you play as in five nights at Freddy's if he failed the game and was stuffed into a mascot outfit.

The mechanical components had dug into his being and begun to take over. Today the eldritch mass was relearning the use of its penis by masturbating to r/BotchedTaxidermy, which it had projected across the window into the orphanage the airport were forced to build, shortly after when policy was revised to consider infants as carry-on luggage (it was meant to make people pay extra for a single backpack. It did not work.)

The eldritch mass took a garbled hand away from its penis-which resembled a grandfather clock made from metal wires and an uncut california roll- slamming it with a moist sound onto its desk, its head limply lurching in acknowledgement of the train and the sexy eastern european man approaching.

"Morning Harold!" Thomas the Tank Engine greeted, cheerfully ignoring the miserable, lidless eyes shaking deep in the sockets of the blood-soaked costume as Harold's lingering shreds of conscious humanity yearned for the sweet release of an eternally denied death.

"Gosh, you sure look happy that you aren't still working at that pizza joint!" Thomas made small talk as Harold's limbs jerked unnaturally to press the 'open door' button, each wretched movement accompanied by subtle cracking sounds and weak, tortured whimpers.

"The smell of pizza is VERY hard to wash off!" Thomas the Tank Engine agreed as he shoved Niko Bellic into the moist, dark chasm that the gateway opened into. "Well, see you later, Howard!"

A watery torrent of blood spilled out of Howards beak as it opened in response, washing out the cleanly cut third rightmost eighth of a human jawbone in the process, which it promptly grabbed and jammed into one of the crimson-stained cracks in its abdomen.

"That Howard." Thomas the Tank Engine recollected fondly, closing the door, turning off the camera, and handing Niko an outfit. "He's something of the joker of our department. His file says he's been here a week, but it feels like lifetimes.

"I dion't kniow what thes ees for." Niko Bellic looked at the outfit Thomas the Tank Engine handed him.

"That's the strip suit." Thomas the Tank Engine explained. "That's meant to make the process more dignified."

Niko Bellic held up the outfit. It was a fist-sized rubber duck dangling on two chains ending in nipple rings. Having famously unpierced nipples, Niko was understandably worried. "Iem niot shore thiet this ees diegnified."

"Maybe some music would liken the mood?" Thomas the Tank Engine offered.

"Shior" Niko Bellic conceded.

Thomas the Tank Engine took out a dusty 8 track player. Pulling out the tape for the Pulp Fiction soundtrack, and skipping to "Comanche".

Dancing like Will Ferrell in the snl skit where he's an abusive department head and is returning to a job interview after stabbing a man with a pitchfork twenty four times, Thomas the Tank Engine moseyed to Niko

"Dyo yew wiant tioh sex?" Niko Bellic asked. "Ah fieel thiat yioh want thieh sex."

"Whaaaaaat? No! Maybe? Why, are you interested?" Tho,as the Tank Engine asked, leaning on a desk his chunky chub vibrating with incomprehensibly increasing girth.

"Wiell..." Niko Bellic said, tearing off his clothes and throwing them out of sight like he was Donald trump and his clothes were a member of his administration. "Pikachu."

What Thomas the Tank Engine thought was Niko Bellics skin was actually his clothes. Getting tugged away, Thomas the Tenk Engine saw that Niko Bellic wasn't actually Niko Bellic, but Deadpool voiced by Pikachu.

"Why didn't your passport say that you were Deadpool, voiced by Pikachu? Thomas the Tank Engine asked. Not that he was complaining. He liked fried chicken as well as muscles, and seeing Deadpool in his skivvies made Thomas the Tank Engine's penis jerk and throb like a tube slide filled with angry horses.

"Pika pika Pikachu!" Deadpol said, explaining that Niko Bellic's sexy accent was too much work to write for the sake of a single "Niko Bellend" joke.

"Fair enough." Thomas the Tank Engine washed his hands, and fisted a bucket of Vaseline in preparation. "Shall we?"

"Pika, Pikachu!" Deadpool said erotically, telling Thomas the Tank engine that if Thomas the Tank Engine's hands were the British Prime Minister, His Asshole was the head of a dead pig.

Thomas the Tank Engine bended Deadpool over. "You must have come around here before!" He said as he spread Deadpool's ass wide,.

Thomas the Tank Engine was surprised to realize that Deadpool's asshole was actually a pig's head. The head of a pig that was very much alive, in fact.

"The fuck?" Thomas the Tank Engine wondered. Not that he was disgusted. Not nearly. In fact, his penis seemed to enchunken even more greatly than ever before.

"Pika Pika!" Deadpool moaned, explaining that his asshole became a pig during the climax of a story where he confused a farmer whose wife he fucked thrice for a door-to-door suppository salesman.

"Very interesting story!" Thomas the Tank Engine declared tokenly as he plunged his beefy tank arms deep into Deadpools piggy asshole. Deadpool himself made the yaoi moan as Thomas the Tank Engine's beefy train hand sensuously scoured the inside of his colon. The pig would have oinked if its mouth was not full of train fist.

Deadpool's asshole was abrasive and strong, much like the father figure in a pornographic biopic about murderous lesbians. As he plunged his hands deper, he looked for the cocaine, except minutes had passed and all he found was a twelve pack of coca cola?

"Can my rocket help?" Elon Musk offered. Thanks to the offering of his least favourite child do dark and forgotten beings, Elon Musk got the power to appear wherever he might be able to make a rocket help with the removal of anything from a dark scary cavern. Damn it, if it wasn't good enough for schoolboys in Thailand, it was good enough for somebody.

I am not Elon Musk.

"Sure!" Thomas the Tank engine said, shoving the rocket up Deadpool's chocolate firehall. However far as it was stuffed, it wound up ultimately finding as much cocaine as it had ever found lost children.

By the time Thomas the Tank Engine was pretty sure that Deadpool didn't didn't have any cocaine up his ass, Deadpool had accidentally vomited Thomas the Tank Engine's fists.

"Deadpool?" Thomas the Tank Engine injertected with his eyebrow raising like spock.

"Pika?" Deadpool answereds

"Did you _REEEEEeeeeeeally_ have cocaine up your ass?" Thomas the Tank Engine asked in the same tone that Sharon wouldst utilize upon the poop you ask your dog.

"Pika Pu" Deadpool admitted.

"AH FUCK KING gnu it!" Thomas the Tank Engine declared! "You just wanted some of that sweet, sweet, engine fluid!"

"Pikachu?" Deadpool asked, wriggling his ass like a 1940s pinup girl.

"Shit to the Fuck to the Crap I would be down for fucking you like a Trump voter navigating his taxes in May!" Thomas the Tank Engine screamed like he stubbed his dick on the credenza again. "Make like the Chernobyl economy and turn over!"

Deadpool presented his getinals, making Thomas the Tank Engine's cock miss a beat and deadpool's balls rolled in front of his taint like venetian blinds made out of wontons!

"Le Gasp!" Thomas the Tank Engine made a face that was like he was looking upon a penis that looked like the main cast of Monster By Mistake glued together, which was overly optimistic since deadpool's penis only looked like the monster and the ghost from Monster by Mistake glued together, yearning for death.

Pika-motherfuckingchu!" Deadpool yewlped, dubbing his toothpaste hose the "Humpster by Intent".

After giving his hands one more cheeky thrust, Thomas the Tank Engine reached back to his penis car, and pulled out his penis. It was shaped like the cucumber from Veggietales: The only television show more wholesome than Thomas himself. The tomato and the asparagus formed the balls. He called it Veggie Tail.

"Pikachuuu!" Deadpool said, a line of drool coagulating in the side of his mouth.

"Thank you!" Thomas the Tank Engine accepted the juicy compliment. Grabbing the Humpster by Intent by the ghost's horrible CGI ghost face with his thick, beefy train fingers. The trumpet the ghost was playing as a means of escape swelled into a veiny trumpet.

Thomas the Tank Engine twisted himself so that the train car containing Veggie Tail was lined up between Deadpool's legs. Fully prepared to fuck up Deadpool's Manwomb worse than The People's Republic of China wants to fuck up the Buddhist cycle of divine reincarnation, Thomas the Tank Engine begun to slowly move Veggie Tail forward and back, enstiffening is as it rimmed the glazed borders of Deadpool's orifices. The cucumber stiffened, his eyes swelling with anticipation. As Thomas the Tank Engine finally wrapped Veggie Tail with Deadpools sensuous innards, Veggie Tail became do turgid and thrusty that it could only respond to the glee of moist penetration with a song!

"If- you- like- to- talk- to tomatoes! Mf mmph- squash can make you- smphffff…"

"Pikachu?" Deadpool asked.

"I am a train that is a customs agent." Thomas the Tank Engine said defensively. "A singing penis is the most realistic thing here."

"Pika-PIKACHU! Pikachu." Deadpool moaned whilst Thomas the Tank Engine's testicles began to gnaw on Deadpool's testicles, running their horselike molars, which neighed a, along the wrinkled trenches of the Humpster by Intent's churlishly festive, bowling ball-sized sperm-spheres.

"Deed sahmwahn seh BOWLINGK?!" An accented voice echoed through the strip-search chamber.


	3. Chapter 3

About the Author:

Buster Manwomb does not blink when they fuck.

Not since the incident.

Chapter 3: NIIIIIIIIKO!

"Niiiiko! Eees your cousin!" Cousin Roman said. It was like the third fucking time this play session that deadpool had to hear his stupid fucking voice. "Why don't we go bowlingk?"

The skin on Niko Bellic lay on the ground before Roman, shrivelled like a used condom worn by somebody as a sleeping bag because their actual sleeping bag was lost in their old dumpster home during the quebec floods, and dirtied like the dignity somebody who used a used condom as a sleeping bag during the Quebec floods, were they not used to using fucking rats as pillows. (shout out to my ̶h̶o̶r̶n̶y̶ ̶r̶o̶d̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶r̶o̶o̶m̶m̶a̶t̶e̶s̶ fans!)

Behind the skin of Niko Bellic was deadpool, partaking in a rousing ol' round of anal fisticuffs with a blue train vis-a-vis the entire main cast of Veggie Tales.

"Pikachu!" Deadpool asked.

"Ai wuz loookink for my pienis!" Cousin Roman said, dropping his pants and returning Elon Musk (I never said he left, did I?) to his rightful place between his eastern-european legs.

"Pika-CAULIFLOWER, SWEET AND SOUR?" Deadpool asked, coughing as Thomas the Tank Engine thrusted so deep into him, the head of the cucumber emerged from the back of his throat, still singing before he became lovingly entranced by Deadpool's uvula (which in it's gnarled state looked like a penis) only to be heartbreakingly tugged back by Thomas The Tank Engine, never to see it again.

"A mayn hias a spiecial bond weeth hees pienis!" Cousin Roman said. "Whiat are yiou doingk?"

"Pi." Deadpool explained, with fingerquotes.

"Ah!" Cousin Roman said. "I want to go bowlingk, and miaybe giet ah bleeder burger! Wiould iet hielp ief I hielp?"

"Sure!" Thomas the Tank Engine said invitingly. "Go for the mouth.

In what any body who didn't have their preconceptions of strip-searches molded by unambiguously rapey pornos (myself not among them) would call a ghastly breach of privacy, professionalism, decency, sanitation, and logic, Cousin Roman Dropped his pants, allowing an irate Elon Musk to finally breathe.

"No!" Elon Musk shouted. "I wanna make a rocket ship! I wanna I wanna!"

"Pikachu?" Deadpool asked.

"Of course my pienis wants to goh to spiace!" Cousin Roman explain. "Dioesn't everybody's?"

Deadpool did not answer as to be honest, he never asked his penis if it wanted to be an astronaught, and didn't want to sound intolerant.

"Open wide!" Cousin Roman juicily slid Elon Musk into Deapool's moiiist, gaping cake hole, despite Elon musk's protestations, leading to him taking out his frustrations on Deadpool's phallic uvula.

At That same moment, Thomas the tank engine thrusted deep into Deadpool again, hard enough that Veggie Tail made his way back up Deadpool's gastrointestinal tract. Hopeful to once again see his love, Deadpools uvula, he was instead forced to bear witness to Elon Musk punching the shit out of it, or what a brit would call an "Irish Romance".

This set off something deep and violent inside the main cast of Veggie Tale. The cucumber's eyes became blood red, like they were the nostrils of an anime protagonist that just saw panties.

In it's blind rage, all Veggie Tail could say was "Oh HELL the fuck no."


	4. Chapter 4

About the Author:

Having been ranked between "dubstep remixes of national anthems" and "child pornography" on Forbes' 'top 17 things that should not exist, but do', Buster Manwomb is banned from most establishments with public bathrooms and free wifi.

Chapter 4: The Wreckoning in Thomas' Caboose

One would havee easily thought that Deadpool getting spitroasted by Elon Musk and the entire main cast of Veggie Tales seemed like an innocent and wholesome enough way to kill some time when your plane was delayed.

Of course, Deadpool neglected the golden rule.

"My child, whenever you have two sentient penises inside of you, make sure they never bcome infatuated with the same body part."

It was the first rule every boy was taught when they were ̶a̶b̶a̶n̶d̶o̶n̶e̶d̶ checked into a catholic boarding school. As important as it was, Deadpool never gave much thought as to why…

… At least until Thomas the Tank Engine's penis popped off of Thomas the Tank engine in a fit of rage, abiding by the logic pertaining to sentient body parts in Andy Griffiths immortal classic, 'the day my butt went psycho'. Screaming like an Alabama resident who saw a man marry another man instead of something wholesome, like his sister, the main cast of Veggie Tales ran up Deadpool's back, leaping at Cousin Niko, teeth bared.

Not one to sit idly as he's getting attacked by rabid fruits and legumes, Elon Musk detached himself from between Cousin Roman's pelvis, slithering out of Deadpool's mouth, his tiny hands firmly grasped around the rocket which had been shoved up Deadpool's ass back in Chapter 2. With the fury of a pair of incels angrily realizing they can stop being incels by fucking each other, Elon Musk beat of the veggies, waving the rocket around until he swatted the tomato into the window of the orphanage, unleashing the orphans within.

These were not your average orphans. Weeks and months of being stored in an orphanage with doubled as a nuclear waste depository mutated these orphans into creature that are even more unfit to be among regular society. Their skin was covered in teeth, to protect them from the carnivorous mormons that sprouted from the radioactive wastes. Their eyes looked like leaky bowls of burraku ramen. Their limbs looked like they belonged to baby deers, if baby deers had razor sharp claws. They skittered along the floors of the airport, feasting on the flesh of the living as they wailed for their parents in mangled languages of their own construction.

"Oh, Jesus fuck on rye!" Thomas the Tank Engine gasped with dread, like a woman whose blind date arrived wearing a homemade My Little Pony Fedora. "The orphans! They're loose!"

The first to go was Cousin Roman, who had a trio of orphans climb up his ass and out of his belly button.

"Pika Pi!" Deadpool cheered, deleting Cousin Roman's number from his phone.

Deadpool, listen!" Thomas the tank engine grabbed Deadpool by the shoulders.

"Pika Pi?"

"The only way to stop the orphans is to get all up in my caboose!" Thomas yelled.

"Pika?"

"You never needed your penis! I am a train! You can literally walk into my caboose!"

"Pika." Deadpool saluted. With all the briskness of someone speeedily trying to reach a bus stop, but not so fast because they know they wouldn't reach the bus regardless, he walked up to Thomas the Tank Engine's caboose, and jiggled the door open."

If you ever watched 'Great Teacher Onizuka', I applaud you being well versed in culture. If you have not, google "onizuka face" and keep the tab open because Thomas the Tank Engine makes a new one with every sentence.

"OOOOOOH fuck yes!" Thomas the Tank Engine mewled as Deadpool jiggled the door open. "Fuck yes! Ju-ju….JUUUUUUST like that! Now get inside!"

Deadpool stepped into Thomas the Tank Engine's caboose, making the entire structure shake with percussive erotic glee, like a moose in a car wash.

"Pikachu?" Deaddpool asked.

"Walk out and back in a few-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH SWEET AND SOUR JESUS YESSSS!" Thomas the Tank Engine screamed as Deadpool obliged. "Okay, srious sex is now! My prostate gland should be mounted to the wall in a wooden frame! Punch it!"

Deadpool slapped Thomas the Tank Engine's prostate like Donald trump masturbates.

Weakly and passionlessly, because it's never known anything else, and it seems to get the job done.

Thomas the Tank Engine made the most contorted Onizuka face, yelling"Sie sind das Essen und wir sind die Jägeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!" and shaking like an epileptic at a rave.

There was no discharge though. Thomas the Tank Engine had no means to, as those few bits of Veggie Tale that weren't eaten by orphans were still separatd, and had joined forces with Elon Musk against the toothy horde in an occurence of personal growth unbecoming of penises.

"Pikachu?" Deadpool asked.

"Oh, it's not my orgasm that was going to save us." Thomas the Tank Engine said. "It's what my orgasm will summon."

"Pikachu?" Deadpool asked, as confused and disappointed as the one weirdo that complained that I don't sexualize my dismembermnts often enough.

"Well you see…." Thomas the Tank Engine said… "My operatic fuck yodels sound JUST like the mating call of the Gears of War!"

At that moment, Marcus Fenix busted through a wall, a chainsaw in one hand, and a taquito stand in the other.

"I is the heard a the cummings?" Fenix Burton the Cummings "Thomas! Is a the a the sex?"

"Pikachu?" Deadpool asked, wondering why Marcus Fenix sounded like a third grader who had lost his three favorite brain lobes in a particularly passionate round of dodgeball.

"Don't worry!" Thomas the Tank Engine said. "I speak lobotomy!"

"Pikachu?"

"Dom! They're orphans!" Thomas the Tank Engine.

Marcus Fenix's eyes glowed red with murder. "Orphans?!"

"Very! Many a the taquito make!" Thomas the Tank Engine seduced him with the carnivorous orphans.

Marcus Fenix grew turgid as he revved his chainsaw gun. "Orphans?!"

"Very!" Thomas the Tank Engine said.

"ORPHANS!" Marcus Fenix screamed as he declared his one-man war against the orphans.

In order to spite the dismemberment fetishist, I will only say that the thirteen minutes that followed could best be visually replicated by putting a hungry chihuahua into a kiddie pool speckled with red grapes dusted with cocaine. By the time Marcus Fenix was done, nary an orphans corpse remained with more than half a limb intact. The toothy skins were piled and sent to the tooth fairy, hopefully so the money spent would help recoup the damage to the orphanage, as well as the multiple wall holes Marcus Fenix made in response to Thomas the Tank Engine's cream scream. Once all the orphans had been made into tacquitos, Marcus Fenix, Thomas the Tank Engine, and Deadpool ate them, laughing as an underpaid elderly janitor struggled to sweepe the bones into piles.

"The is a weird." Marcus Fenix said.

"That was a fun sex time indeed." Thomas the Tank Engine said, deepthroating the tacos.

"Pikachu." Deadpool grumbled, shoving tacquitos down his shirt.

Once appetites were sates, Marcus Fenix rode off into the sunset. The intercom announced that the flight to the beach was ready to depart, and Deadpool hurried off. Thomas the Tank Engine checked his watch.

"Oh shit!" Thomas the Tank Engine said. "My shift is over, and I don't even have enough time to shower before my shift at Amtrak!"

And that is why all amtrak trains smell like deep fried orphans and cum.

THE END.


End file.
